What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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