hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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