i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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