i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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