i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
