Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
