atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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