Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
