I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
