So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
