My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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