i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize