I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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