I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
