im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
