my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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