my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
