to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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