Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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