DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
