quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
