Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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