I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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