this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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