We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
