did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
