do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
