a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just tell him i said nine months
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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