I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
