Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
