worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't turn off my feet"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
