and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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