He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
