This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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