we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your cock deserves a montage
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
