I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
