the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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