peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
