guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
