census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
