I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
