do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found puke in my bra..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
