his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
