Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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