If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
