the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
