can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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