honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
