Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
