He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize