So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
