PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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