He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
