Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
