we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
