my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize