Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
please come you make the beer taste better
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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