my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
