I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
