dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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