Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
