so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
