the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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