It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
