He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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