Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
