ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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