everyone is single if you try hard enough
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
