I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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