His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
