Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
