Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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