well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
