Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
