Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
third nipple confirmed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
