a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i love accidental penises.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
